


Drag Me Up

by Poison_Love_Words



Series: Life, Love, and Drag [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Crossdressing, Despite appearances, Drag Queens, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Sassy Loki (Marvel), Sex Toys Under Clothing, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-07-28 21:43:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16250369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poison_Love_Words/pseuds/Poison_Love_Words
Summary: Loki is so shy and reserved at the office that he unknowingly has Thor smitten with his blush. Little does Thor know the Loki becomes a sultry man-killer once in drag.





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All!
> 
> So, this is what happens when I watch Ru Paul's drag race while writing. I have a vague outline for a few chapters and I am beginning to really like this little idea. If anyone watches drag race this idea came about when Miz Cookie was born.
> 
> Enjoy!

Thor is smitten. Completely and utterly smitten. He is infatuated with his receptionist, Loki. Loki is pure sin and hasn’t a clue. The man is all long limbs and sharp angles, long dark hair and vibrant green eyes, it is as if the Gods had made Thor’s dreams a reality. The best part is the blush. One that slowly tints his cheeks a pale pink and creeps down his throat, Thor wishes to know if it goes any lower. 

Right away Thor found it was easy to tease Loki, get him stammering and blushing. The first time wasn’t intentional, Thor had just met Loki, and they were discussing the expectations of Loki’s job. Loki had only referred to Thor as Mr. Odinson, and after about the fourth time Thor had stopped the other man and told him one of his first requirements was to stop being so formal and call him Thor. The resulting blush cemented Thor’s feelings. 

Loki has been working for Thor going on six months and during that time Thor has yet to make a move. Part of him knows it isn’t smart to date his employees, it would be an abuse of power to ask out his receptionist. Another much more significant portion doesn’t care and wants a chance to see Loki outside of the stuffy office. They have formed a friendship of sorts. 

Loki had the tendency to skip lunch the first few weeks he’d been there. Something Thor couldn’t let continue. So, one day he called Loki into his office in the pretense of reviewing the schedule, and they ended up sharing a sandwich. This trend continued, Thor calling Loki in with some work ‘requirement’ and instead shares a meal with him. Now Thor didn’t even need to make up excuses, they always take lunch together. There have been many times where Thor wanted to treat Loki to a meal away from their office. Each time Loki would blush and thank Thor for his kindness but politely refuse. Instead, Thor makes do with lunch in the office.

These lunches were quite the talk around the office, or so he’s been informed by Bruce. Bruce may be the head of research and development, but he is so quiet that people forget he is in the room. Bruce says he doesn’t mind since he gets to hear all the best gossip. Gossip he is sharing with Thor on a bright and clear Thursday morning as they get their coffee. Neither will ever admit to it, but their morning coffee is a time for them to share gossip like a pair of old ladies at bingo night.

“I’m telling you, he was there. Jane and her gaggle saw him at her friend’s bachelorette party.” Bruce raises an eyebrow at Thor as he takes a drink of his coffee.

They are at their favourite coffee shop, sitting outside enjoying the warm morning sunshine. It is one of those rare spring days where the air has yet to become heavy with moisture. The coffee shop, Grind On, is tucked away on a side street near the office. It is well enough out of the way for most people to pass it by. Thor had found it by accident about a year ago when he ducked down the street to avoid an encounter with Jane. Today he is especially glad for the little shop as he indulges in one of their buttery croissants with his milky latte. Bruce is drinking some frozen sugar infused mocha that is at odds with his fruit bowl. 

“I find that hard to believe. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just trying to cause drama,” Thor shakes his head, “You are talking about the same man who cannot even say hello to most people without becoming flustered.”

Bruce rolls his eyes, “Don’t take this the wrong way but I think you are slightly biased.” He pats Thor on the arm, “When it comes to Loki you are blind.” He gives a look filled with mock sadness, “You’ve got it bad, and everyone knows it … well everyone but Loki it would seem.” 

Thor rolls his eyes at Bruce, “That only proves my point. Jane is probably trying to get back at me for turning her down at the Christmas party, and figures she’ll spread rumors about Loki to do it.” Thor grumbles as he rips into his pastry. He is just waiting for the day he finds an ironclad reason to fire that woman.

Bruce stares at Thor for a moment before chuckling, “Okay, fine. I can see Jane being that cruel, but not Wanda.”

Thor pauses with his cup halfway toward his mouth, “Wanda was there?” 

Bruce nods absentmindedly as he swallows a bite.

“I didn’t know she was friends with Jane,” Thor says in confusion.

Bruce snorts, “Naw, she only went to keep the peace since her brother is marrying Darcy.”

They share a knowing look, it is one of those unspoken understandings, that anyone who hangs out with Jane really is only doing it because of Darcy. Darcy is the head of Human Resources and a wonderfully sarcastic ray of sunshine. Somehow, she has been friends with Jane since college and despite their differences are still close.

“Oh right, I keep forgetting that bit of office drama.” Thor picks apart his croissant a bit more, all this talk of Jane is killing his appetite. 

“Ha, the only reason you know any of the office drama is because of me. You avoid people like the plague, not that I really blame you with most of the people at work.” Bruce finishes eating and begins to clean up. Thor pops the last bite of his pastry in his mouth as he gets up.

Thor lets out a soft sigh, “I don’t really avoid people; most people don’t want to hang out with the boss.”

They toss their trash and begin the short walk to the office. Thor is quiet, thinking over what Bruce has shared. He can’t see Loki as a drag queen. Well, he is beginning to picture Loki in drag, something that is quite appealing to Thor, to be honest, but he can’t imagine the reserved man in drag in public. 

“So,” Bruce breaks the silence with a grin, “am I taking you to Duck’s Back¹ tomorrow night?” 

Thor thinks it over, he’s been to the club before, use to almost be a regular before he had to take over Asgardian Security from his father eight months ago. To be honest, he misses the place, it was a judgment-free zone. One where so long as you are accepting of others, you are allowed. Hel, it would be good to be around people who he actually wants to be around. People, he misses more than a little. 

“Sure, why not? It’ll be good to see the old place again.”

Bruce’s smile brightens, “Tony and Wade will be glad to see you. Wade has been bemoaning your absence, he was about ready to put an ad out for some new eye candy.”  
Thor laughs as they stop in front of the glass doors to the office, “I’m shocked he hasn’t been harassing me to come back.”

Bruce is quiet for a moment, “Even Wade knew you needed time after your father passed.”

Thor swallows thickly, not wanting to have this conversation, “yeah … yeah, Wade has always been more understanding that most of us give him credit for. I’ll have to let him know I’ll be there this weekend, catch up and all.” 

Bruce lightly bumps him on the arm again as they finally enter the building. It is early enough the lobby is mostly empty of other people. They wave to Wanda as they pass her desk. She is busy with a delivery but still gives them a smile. Bruce bids Thor good-bye as he takes the stairs down to IT. Thor gets on the elevator, grateful it is empty. He takes the few moments of his ride up to compose himself. His father’s sudden death is still a sore point. A death he is slowly coming to terms with, but it can catch him off guard at times. 

The elevator arrives at his floor, and Thor takes one last steadying breath, this time to calm his racing heart before he runs into Loki. It is by far his favorite part of the day. The dark-haired man is behind his desk as typical. It doesn't matter what time of day Thor starts Loki is always there before him, probably helps that Loki is in charge of his schedule. 

Taking a few moments to admire the other man Thor can’t see the reserved and quiet man at Duck’s Back, much less a headlining queen. It isn’t his looks, Loki may have sharp features, but he is also lithe and almost delicate. Loki would be a knock-out as a drag queen. Thor isn’t sure he has the personality to pull it off. For all the quiet charm and sweetness Loki possesses, he isn’t a big showoff or entertainer. Thor is beginning to wonder if this whole Loki is a drag queen isn’t just Bruce and the girls’ way of getting him back out there. Giving a mental shrug, Thor figures, either way, he is going to have fun this Friday night; Tony and Wade would make sure of it.

Nearing Loki’s area Thor pushes thoughts of him in nothing but a corset and heels to the side. He really doesn’t need any more ammo for his fantasies. Loki notices his approach and a small smile graces his face.

“Good morning Thor, your 10:30 called to cancel, so you are free for the budget meeting.” Loki voice is soft but steady. He pushes his black-rimmed glasses to the top of his head as he reviews the day’s schedule with Thor.

“This place would fall to pieced without you,” Thor smiles at Loki, watching as light pink colours his cheeks.

“Only because you refuse to write anything down.” Loki gives him an eye roll and smirk, “The Monroe reports should be in soon, I’ll bring them to you once I get them.”

Thor nods his agreement and gathers his mail. Giving Loki one last smile Thor enters his own office, hoping the day doesn’t drag on.

********

“Well, well well! Who is this _fine_ specimen of man?!” Wade’s voice is loud over the background music, “I’m sure I’ve seen those chiseled features before, but it’s been so long my memory fails me!” Wade dramatically tosses a hand to his forehead and lets out a long sigh.

Thor only rolls his eyes at his friend’s antics. They are even more outrageous when paired with Wade’s colourful ensemble. He is in a pair of tight black shiny pants, a bright pink flowing blouse, and matching pink strappy stiletto heels. Oddly enough it is a look that worked for the club owner. The colors match his personality while also masking the burns that cover a majority of his body.

“I didn’t realize my fairy godmother would be visiting tonight,” Thor shoots back as he kisses Wade’s cheek in greeting.

“Oh please! I’m a fairy princess if a day older!” Wade pageant waves to the room as he sits back down.

Thor laughs and settles down to scan the room, “No Tony tonight?”

Wade lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes, “That old queen is here somewhere, probably backstage tossing around directions as if he knows what is going on.” Wade sips at some teal colored drink with an umbrella … and a gummy shark, “he heard from a little nerd that someone was going to be here to ogle the new talent.” Wade pulls the shark out of his drink and uses it to point at Thor, “You sir should be ashamed!” The shark quivers as Wade flings it around, “Here I am trying to make the world a better place through drag and booze, and you can’t be bothered to visit!” Wade bites off the head and glares at Thor.

Thor feels a pang of regret, “Wade, I’m sorry. I should have visited, or at least wined and dined you. Can you forgive me for becoming an office drone and not being around?”

Wade taps his hot pink lacquered lips with an equally pink nail, he is obviously trying to play annoyed a bit longer, “Welllllllll ….. I guess since you are here now and promised to take me to Rico’s I might be able to let this little faux pas go.” Wade snaps his fingers at a passing waiter and points to Thor before making some wild hand gestures.

“Don’t ever change Wade,” Thor fidgets as they wait for Tony and Bruce to join them. He doesn’t have long to wait as Bruce slides into the booth next to him.

“Parking was a nightmare!” He grumbles as Wade only smirks, “Did you order me a drink?”

“Darling! How dare you ask such a question! I’ll pretend you have better manners if you pretend I didn’t have your drink watered down.” Wade winks at Bruce before turning fully back to Thor, “Sooooooo …… you have a little crush on our newest sexy drag queen.”

Thor turns a glare on Bruce, who is busy staring at Wade’s drink intently, “It’s not a crush, and it’s not on your newest girl.” Thor tries not to sound petulant, “I may have a slight admiration for my new assistant, but that is all.”

Wade cackles, “Oh honey, Bida is going to eat you right up!”

Thor arches a brow at Wade, “Who’s-“

“SHHHHH!!!!” Wade hisses as the lights dim, “Just watch.”

A voice is heard over the speaks, “Ladyboys and Manly-girls, please put your drinks down and your hands up for the eternally glamourous Bida Mischief!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what's the verdict? Let me know what you think!
> 
> The Duck's Back is an ode to one of my favorite drag queens. I also love the idea of Wade as a bar/nightclub owner. 
> 
> Up next: Meet Bida Mischief


	2. Sexy Drag Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bida Mischief, Bida Flirt, Bida Tease. Thor Jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Wow thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments!! So glad I'm not the only one who loves Loki in drag.
> 
> Enjoy!

The room is silent as the lights go out. There is a tension in the air as the announcer’s words fade. Duck’s Back layout is centered around the stage. The booth where Thor, Wade, and Bruce currently sit in is on the left side of the stage, angled so they can see the whole floor, as well as anyone on stage. Thor lets his eyes wander around the room in the darkness. He hasn’t paid too much attention to the other patrons, too preoccupied. Now as Thor scans the mass of people, he notes that everyone is crowded around the stage. In fact, the place is packed. Somehow, he had missed this, although it isn’t surprising for a Friday night.

A soft white light illuminates the stage as a haunting piano melody begins. A figure steps into the spotlight, and immediately Thor is enthralled. She is a vision in a sleek emerald green silk qípáo. It hugs her body until it swishes around her calves. There is a swirling black design that flows from the collar down her right hip. The color of the dress seems to make her pale skin glow in the dim light. Her hair is in an unassuming side sweep. Somehow more glamorous without any adornment but her own glossy black waves. Thor absently notes that she is hardly made up, at least for a drag queen. Her makeup is modest, cat eyes with a touch of silver and a matte red lip. 

Thor has always admired queens, he can appreciate all their hard work and dedication to their craft. There have been a few he’s found pleasing to look at, like any other work of art; but he’s never felt any desire toward a queen. Sure, he likes men in lingerie, and sure he has secretly been picture Loki done up in a corset and stockings, but as he watches the woman, he feels desire curl in his stomach. 

The piano plays a few notes as the woman glazes around the room, a playful smirk on her lips. She creases the mic stand with long fingers as she begins to sing.

Come to me  
When your world is empty and cold  
Come to me  
When you need someone you want to hold  
Come to me  
In my arms I will keep you safe and warm  
Come to me  
I will shelter you from the storm  
I'm not one to pretend  
Why can't you understand  
That I love you  
And I love you  
And I need you  
And I want you  
Yes I love you  
And I love you  
And I need you  
And I want you  
Come to me

The world around him disappears as Thor gazes entrapped by the siren on stage. He knows this is not a lip-sync, her voice is rich and smooth. She sings each word like a promise, one he would gladly accept. It is almost painful to stay seated and not go to her as she commands. Then as the last note is falling from her sinful lips, her eyes seem to lock on his. A small smile crosses her lips as the music fades away.

Thor tears his eyes away from her memorizing stares as the room erupts into applause. Looking across the table, he sees Wade has a smirk of his own; there’s a look in his eyes that means trouble in his future. He feels even more uneasy as Wade waves a waiter over and whispers something to him before he quickly leaves. Hearing a velvety voice thanking the crowd Thor ignores Wade in favor of Bida. She begins a second song, one Thor has heard before, but never with such passion. He is swept away by Bida and her sweet voice. He’s not sure how much time passes, only aware that Bida is singing to him. The piano that has been accompanying her stops and Bida gives the audience a small curtsy as she thanks them.

“Mmm, want a fine sampling of local flavor we have tonight,” she teases the audience with a wink and a smile. Her eyes scan the crowd before her smile brightens, “Why soldier-boy, back so soon?” her voice is a low purr.

A young man, more like a boy as Bida has dubbed him, seated almost directly in front of her calls back, “I just had to see you again, Bida!” 

Thor is not amused as the boy’s buddies catcall and whistle. The boy is objectively handsome with close-cropped blonde hair and a sturdy build. He has an arm flung out toward Bida, his other clutched at his chest, “I felt I was going to perish if I couldn’t see you again.”

Bida arches a brow, “Really?” her smile turns predatory, “I don’t usually go for wholesome virgins,” she saunters across the stage stepping down she practically glides over to the man, “but for one of our nation’s finest I could be persuaded to make an exception.” She stops in front of him and places her hand on his chest. Pushing him back into his chair she perches sideways on his lap, her lips close to his ear as he breathes out, “Alright soldier boy, persuade me.” She leans back just enough to see his face with an amused look.

The man is beet red but smiling as he rests a hand on Bida’s waist. He runs the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip as he drawls, “darling, the type of persuading I’d do to you is best conducted without an audience.” He gives her a bashful smile. The audience cheers him on as Bida gives him an appraising look.

Her voice is a low purr as she asks, “And will this … persuading last more than a minute?” She gives his lap a pointed look.

Thor is pleased to see the boy’s smile fade a bit, but then he seems to sit up straighter, “If it doesn’t then I’ll just keep persuading you until you too tired to not be convinced.” He gives her a knowing look, one that has Thor grinding his teeth.

Bida’s laugh is filled with temptation, she gives the man a light pat on his cheek before standing up, “Oh honey, I don’t like making grown men cry.” She walks away from him, stopping to look at him over her shoulder, “but your enthusiasm might convince me to go easy on you.” She arches her brow in a challenge, “Come find me later if you think you can handle it.” With that she climbs back onto the stage blows a kiss to the audience, aims wink down to the still red-faced but grinning boy and slips away.

A hand enters Thor’s vision and presses on his chin, “Thor sugar, it’s unsightly to gawk. Wouldn’t want to be known as the creeper in the corner.” Wade’s tone is light and teasing, he’s sharing a look with Bruce as Thor silently seethes. 

That is without a doubt Loki. A Loki who sang and teased and flirted. A Loki who is so unlike the man Thor has come to know it is uncanny. This version of Loki is all confident and wicked tongue humor. Thor finds him just as enticing as feisty Bida as when he is a blushing, shy man. Now to go find Loki before he meets up with _soldier-boy_. Thor watches as the boy jokes with the group at his table. At least he is still in the room. That means there is still a chance for Thor to get to Loki, and … And do what? Thor folds his arms and scowls at the room in general. It’s not like he has any claim on Loki. Thor sinks lower in the booth as he realizes that his only connection to the enigmatic man is as his boss. Once more when Thor glances back at the boy’s table, he’s no longer there. 

“Okay Mr. Caveman, that’s enough frowning and scaring off the nice paying customers,” Wade sighs as he taps at his phone. He looks up with pursed lips, “Was Bida’s show not to your liking? She’s a bit of an acquired taste.” Wade waggles his eyebrows at Thor with a sly grin.

Thor scoffs, “Wade I can’t believe you let your queens do that!” 

Wade puts his phone down and steeples his fingers with a confused look, “uhhh …Do what exactly?”

Thor barely holds back a growl, “Do what? Do What?!” A small rational part of Thor is nagging at him to calm down, but mostly Thor is raging at the fact that Loki’s off with some other man right now. “You are letting your queens proposition and dry hump customers now?!” Thor pushes on Bruce who has been watching him with a stunned expression. Bruce gets out of his way as Thor stands up, “I bet this is all Tony’s idea, that man has never known what line to stop at!” Thor glares at Wade and Bruce, “I’m going to find him. Let him know the line crossed tonight was too far!” Thor storms off, heading up the hidden side stair to the backstage.

Bruce and Wade look at one another, “Soooo …” Bruce says slowly with a grin, “I do believe your plan is working. Hope he goes easy on Tony.”

Wade snorts as he quickly taps something out on his phone, “No worries, Tony has been warned about the incoming tempest.” He giggles as he sips at his drink, “Remind me to send Steve a thank you card.”

********

The backstage is loud and busy with queens in various states of dress. Thor wonders around trying to find Tony, Duck’s Back other owner. There are half dressed queens and haggard looking crew running around getting ready for the next act. Ignoring the lust filled looks directed at him, Thor walks back toward the dressing rooms. Tony is probably making some last-minute changes to an outfit. The man might be a genius, but he seriously lacks any impulse control.

If you had asked Thor years ago if Tony and Wade’s little club idea would make it, he would have laughed and said no. They had been two of the most flighty and irresponsible people Thor had ever met. Then they decide to open Duck’s Back, and suddenly they are the adults of their group. That isn’t to say the two aren’t a tad juvenile at times. Thor was still annoyed with the pair when they decided he needed hair the same color of his eyes. He had to shave his head just to get rid of the horrid color. 

Thor finally reaches the hallway. He pauses before entering when he hears a bright laugh, Loki’s laugh. Thor moves to the alcove beside the entrance, where all the lighting controls are located. Thor’s heart stops as he sees Loki smiling with open affection at the boy. His stomach drops as Loki wraps his arms around the bastard’s neck and leans into him. Thor sees red as he turns around and shoves his way back to the main floor. He doesn’t stop as Wade and Bruce shout after him. He pushes his way past the crowd and makes it out onto the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is a version of Come To Me by France Joli. A few years ago Netflix suggested a comedy about a drag queen and a lawyer who attempt to adopt a boy with Downs syndrome, _Any Day Now_. It hit all my boxes, except Netflix lied. Hardcore. It was a fabulous movie, one I love, but it was far from a comedy. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it (even though it isn't on Netflix streaming now) just have a box of tissues. Anyway that is where I got the song Loki sang. 
> 
> Comments are adored like Thor adores Loki. So if you want let know what what you think.
> 
> Up next: that didn't go exactly as planned, now what? Also a peek into the inner workings of Bida Mischief, mayhaps?


	3. Read U Wrote U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings everyone!
> 
> First off thank you to all the kudos and reviews! They always brighten my day. As I was writing this I realize I should probably warn people I play fast and loose with pronouns. It is not meant to offend and really I didn't notice it until I read back through. The main part it is that Tony is referred to she and Wade as he, while they are both in drag. It is more to due with their personalities than anything else. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The night air is cold enough to give Thor pause. He just ran out of Duck’s Back because his assistant apparently has a boyfriend. He chides himself as he continues his walk of sulking. He’ll claim some business came up and he needed to take care of it right away … at 11 pm on a Friday night. Groaning Thor realizes he not only stormed out like a teenager in a snit but that he didn’t drive himself. Kicking at an invisible rock Thor resigns himself to a long walk home.

“Thor!” A voice shouts out behind Thor as he stalks away from the club. Thor pretends he doesn’t hear and keeps walking.

“THEODORE CHRISTOPHER ODINSON!! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!” The voice goes shrill as its volume increases. He can hear the crunch of gravel as the owner stomps closer.

Thor stops walking, throwing a glance over his shoulder but doesn’t actually turn around. 

“Goddess damn it all to hell! If I have to chase after you in these heels, I’m shoving one up your shapely privileged ass!” 

Thor snorts in amusement as he stops walking and turns around to face the raging queen, “Making me come out here in my Jimmy Choos. Running away like a cheerleader at a buffet. And how could you do that to Bida?! Going to give that poor girl a complex!” 

Thor slowly approaches the rambling queen, only slightly afraid of bodily harm. Let it be known that despite appearances Tony Stark, aka Madam Iron, is a bitch in heels. Dressed in a tight black dress with a circular cut out, showcasing her assets, and red suede peep-toed pumps she is stunning. Her sleek angled bob and flawless makeup add to her suave demeanor. She might have only a few inches on Thor, but the glare she is giving makes him feel small.

“Tony, looking lovely as ever. Love the shoes, steal them from Widow?” Thor gives Tony a winning smile as he tries to charm her. The glare intensifies.

“Only friends and lovers get to call me that,” she gives him a hard look, “you aren’t my type, and friends don’t act like possessive creepy stalkers before running away without even saying hello.” Tony pulls a flask, from Norns know where, and take a dainty sip, “I see staying away for all those months has done nothing to stop you from being a pretentious jerk.”

“Just a minute-“

“No talking!” Tony’s flask vanishes again as she smooths her dress and flicks some hair from her eyes, “First off, rude,” she pokes him in the chest with a red-tipped nail, “Second, we raised you better than that.” She smacks the back of his head, “Third and most importantly, your brain is up here,” she flicks him on the head, “not here.” She huffs as she waves a hand in the general direction of his groin. Thankfully Tony keeps her hands to herself this time. Thor is beginning to realize most of his friends have an odd habit of becoming physical when annoyed.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Thor feels about three inches tall after Tony’s dressing down, “You certainly can make a guy feel like an idiot without effort.”

Tony rolls her eyes, “It’s easy when you are one,” a smile dances at the corners of her mouth as she gives Thor a fond look, “Thankfully, you have a drag family who is always willing to put a stop to your foolishness. Now, let me get a look at you.” Tony pulls Thor into the lights near the entrance and gives him a once over, “I’m relieved to see that being the ‘big boss’ has not influenced your abysmal lack of fashion.” 

Thor fights against the tightness in this throat as he falls back into old habits, “All the better to make the rest of you look good.” 

Tony lets out a very unladylike snort, “Gain some weight, lose the muscle and hair, and then maybe you won’t be such a dish.” Taking another sip from her flash Tony smiles brightly, “Alright, I feel you’ve been chastised enough, and we’ve all weekend to catch up.” Tony throws Thor a wicked glare when he’s about to argue that, “Anyway, it is time to tell me all about your little lust-crush on the delectable Ms. Bida.”

Thor takes back every nice thing he’s ever said, _thought_ about Tony, “Don’t really think now is the time,” shifting nervously while trying to hide it, “besides haven’t you left Wade alone too long?” 

“Oh please! Bruce is with him, and I’m sure Widow is around somewhere. Stop trying to avoid the topic and spill!” Tony folds her arms and taps a finger as she stares Thor down. 

“Ugh, fine!” He grumbles under his breath about bossy queens as he leans against the brick building, “not much to tell really. I found that running a big security company was not a cake walk and decided to hire a personal assistant slash receptionist slash secretary-“

“Slash eye candy.” Tony cuts in but mimics zipping her lips at Thor’s look.

“As I was saying,” Thor teases good-naturedly, “Loki was one of the first to apply, and really his resume made him completely overqualified for the job.” Thor frowns in thought, “I’m not sure why I even scheduled an interview with him, guess it might have been the fact that his name was as weird as my own.” Tony only lets out a snicker at this, “He came in for the interview looking like he stepped off the cover GQ and was a composed nervous wreck the entire time. He was so flustered it was adorable. Let’s just say I canceled all my other interviews.” Thor meets Tony’s eyes as she makes a noise of agreement.

“Sounds very similar to his first meeting here.” Tony chuckles, “Wade practically had to beg me to let him perform before I said yes. I really should know better than to ignore him since he was right about Crystal and Widow.”

“It makes me very glad he uses his powers for good,” Thor pushes off the wall, “although he did try to get me on stage a few times.”

“Yeah, duh. That is a fact everyone, but you, knows needs to happen sooner rather than never.”

“Uh huh, no.” Thor pauses a moment before blurting out, “So how long has Bida been here?”

Tony has her phone out and a scowl on her face, “Oh a few months now. She started around the same time as Crystal Winter, and they’ve become a horrible duo of chaos and broken hearts.” Tony glances at Thor with a positively evil grin, “Speaking of Crystal … we should head back inside.” Tony begins to walk back to the entrance, “Now come on and let’s see if we can salvage this night.”

Thor isn’t sure what scares him more, Tony with an agenda or running into Bida.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: Any thoughts on pairings other than Thorki and Stucky? I was debating on having Wade and Tony a couple, but now I'm seeing Wade with Peter. Gah this is why I can't write nice things.
> 
> Next up: Word of the night: awkward.


	4. Open Mouth, Insert Foot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! So I had planned to post this last weekend, but I caught the plague from work. Then my internet at home mysteriously decided to stop working. On the bright side it allowed me time to plot this story a bit more. 
> 
> I want to give a shout out to Sigynthefaithful. Bucky would have just been another customer at Duck's Back if they hadn't given me the idea of Crystal Winter 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your Kudos and comments, they truly make my day.
> 
> Enjoy!

The pounding in his head does not lessen any, as Thor rolls to his side and lets out a pitiful groan. It gets worse as he bleary opens his eyes. The movement causes a fresh wave of nausea to him as Thor squints at the harsh light streaming in through the blinds. Flinging an arm over his face, Thor fights off the queasiness from his movements and the hellish sunlight. As he lays there, hoping for death, he learns that the pounding is not just his head. Listening as carefully as his head will allow, he realizes some of the noise is coming from the kitchen. 

Making a half-arsed attempt to get up, Thor decides laying and waiting for death sounds like a much easier option. It can’t be too far away with how his body is betraying him. He hasn’t been this hungover since college. More specifically, when he and Wade discovered tequila. Norns he hopes he didn’t do body shots with Wade again. Thor wracks his brain trying to remember what happened last night. Which has led him to dying in his own bed, while an unknown person proceeds to bang around his kitchen … quite loudly. Inhumanly loud when complied with his growing headache and rolling stomach. In fact, it almost sounds like the person is trying to make as much noise as possible. 

The night before is a blank, no clues in his memory about who would be in his kitchen. Thor has a few vague memories: Tony’s exasperated face, Wade’s disapproval, and Bida’s painfilled glare … oh fuck. Thor just knows he’s fucked up. If it weren’t the brief recollection of Wade giving him a reproachful look (which Thor is sure is a sign of Ragnarök) than Bida’s crushed look would clue him into the fact that last night did not go well. Although, waking up alone and hungover enough to kill him is also a good indicator last night ended badly. 

Letting out a sigh, Thor heaves himself into an upright position. He has to stop for a second to let the room settle back down. Standing up proves to be a feat of inhuman strength and pure willpower. Thor decides that he is never drinking again as he stumbles his way into the hallway.

His apartment has an open floor plan for the living room, dining area, and kitchen. It is done in light greys and silvers with black accents. Then down a short hallway are two bedrooms, a workout room, office, and bathroom. The apartment is spacious, opulent, and right now way too big. Thor feels as if he’s run a marathon as he enters the kitchen area. A completely empty kitchen.

“Well, look who finally decided to grace the world with his unwanted presence,” Tony snarks at Thor as he exits the pantry. “Good morning star shine, the earth says, ‘go fuck yourself.’” Tony glares at Thor as he goes backs to banging pots and pans together, now with the exaggerated singing of _Gives You Hell_. 

Thor stares at his friend, dumbfounded at the blatant hostility. Sure, Tony could throw some shade, but this seemed more than just his usual sharp-edged joking. Tony completely ignores Thor, continuing to sing, loudly and purposefully (horrendously) off-key as he appears to be making something. It is enough to cause Thor’s already painfilled head to throb in sync with his singing. Thankfully Thor notices the coffee maker is on. Thor tries to will his headache away as he approaches the coffee, figuring it is the safer option. 

No sooner does he reach out for the pot then Tony whips around and smacks his hand with a spatula, “Oh hells no,” Tony folds his arms and gives Thor a look that may have taken a piece of his soul, “You are going to go sit at the island. Go sit, and suffer your foolishness a bit longer,” Tony lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes skyward, “at least get out of the kitchen and give me a few more minutes to remember that we are family. And you have to love family,” Tony stops and pinches the bridge of his nose as Thor just gapes at him, “even when they are the world’s biggest asshat.” 

“I’ll just go sit over here then …” Thor mumbles quietly, backing up slowly and trying not to show fear. 

Tony gives him a grin that is almost friendly, “Just wait till Wade gets here. I am the good cop today.” Tony spins around and promptly begins singing again as he bangs around the kitchen some more, now with knifes added to the mix. Thor eyes the sharp objects before laying his head on the cold countertop with a groan. 

Thor listens as Tony moves about the kitchen, his singing no longer off-key, and almost pleasant. The banging has also died down, but that might be more due to Tony cooking at the stove than any real compassion. Thor desperately tries to remember what happened the night before, something that Tony and Wade are pissed about. 

A memory tickles at the edge of his awareness.

*****************************

Walking back into the club with Tony, Thor tries to calm his racing heart. He is determined to not make a fool of himself again. The stage is empty, and the music playing over the sound system is upbeat. It is louder than before but not so loud that normal conversation can’t take place. Duck’s Back prides itself on not being another loud dance club. Instead, it is a place to watch some local talent and catch up with friends.

Bruce, Wade, Bida, and an unknown woman are gathered around the back table together. They are laughing at something Bida is animatedly explaining. Thor watches the group as he approaches. Bida is a vision in the low lighting, her eyes are bright and filled with humor. She tosses her hair and laughs at Bruce’s response.

The unknown woman with her is striking. She is dressed in a long dark blue gown, so dark it almost looks black. It has a choker-like cuff around her neck which allows for an open back and leaves one arm bare. The sleeve of the other arm is silver white and ends in a fitted glove. The top is form-fitting with a cinched waist; it transitions to a full skirt that falls in soft waves to the floor. Her messy, dark auburn, tousled waves frame her face, making her look young and wild. Her make-up is all dark eyes done in different shades of blue with a light pink lip. Overall, she seems to be an unlikely combination of soft and dangerous. 

Thor tunes into the conversation as he gets close enough to the group. Bida seems to be in the middle of a story. He notices that she tends to talk with her hands when she gets excited.

“So of course, Crystal takes one look at the man and tells him, in her oh so sweet voice, ‘I’m not into bestiality you pig’ then proceeds to walk away calm as you please,” Bida tells the group with a smirk toward the other woman, Crystal.

“At least I didn’t drag him by his ear out of the club.” Crystal rolls her eyes at Bida, “I think he was sporting a woody as you marched him out,” She shutters with a look of disgust on her face, “how you went onstage after touching that vile bigot is beyond me. Serious props to you.” 

“Oh please, it reminded me of my old life,” Bida says airily. 

The group looks around confused, before Wade cuts in, “What’s that? Working on a farm?”

Bida gets a wicked look on her face as she replies, “Kinda, I was a dominatrix.” She gives the group a little wink as she takes a sip of her drink. 

The group, now with Tony and Thor among them all gape at her with wide eyes. Bida just shrugs as she pretends to be engrossed with her drink. No one speaks for a moment; then Wade bursts out laughing. A full body laugh that has him clutching his sides. 

He gasps a few unintelligible words before he exclaims, “Bida, darling if you had put that on your resume, I wouldn’t have had to fight Tony to hire you.” Wade pulls Tony to his side, “And you were afraid that Bida was too timid. HA!” Wade continues to laugh as Tony lets out a weary sigh.

“Yes Wade, you were right.” Tony pulls out her ever-present flash and takes a sip, before pointing a finger at Wade, “This does not convince me that the waitstaff uniform should be thongs and corsets.” Wade looks like he is about to argue when Tony cuts him off, “Do I need to tell Peter you’d be around mostly naked men at work?”

Wade’s eyes go huge, and he gawks at Tony, “How … now … Tony! I never! Petey has enough to worry about, let's just pretend we never talked about new uniforms. Great! Oh, and Petey‘s got a new number! Yup, completely new number.” Wade rambles on as he flails about and almost knocks over everyone’s drink. Thankfully Bruce and Crystal made a few quick saves as Wade continues to bicker with Tony. 

Thor hasn’t been paying any attention to the conversation since Bida’s little declaration. His mind is stuck on the thought of her and other men. This, of course, leads him to his next idiotic act.

“I do not see the humor in prostitution. How is that a worthy quality to have for anyone, much less a drag queen? Is it that a whore’s makeup translates well to the stage?” Thor blurts out in childish anger; his tone is clipped and judgmental. 

The whole table goes quiet as everyone turns and stares at Thor. Bruce has a wide-eyed look of shock and is slowly shaking his head. Crystal’s face is closed off, and she looks about ready to rip his throat out. Wade’s looking at Thor like he’s never seen him before, one hand semi-raised to his mouth in bewilderment. Tony has a dark gleam in her eyes and looks about ready to make good on her early promise to shove her shoe up his arse. By far though the worse is the look of wounded outrage, Bida directs at him. Her eyes glow with fury as she takes a step closer to him. 

Honestly, Thor shouldn’t be shocked by the slap. A large part of his rational mind agrees he deserves it; that doesn’t stop it from being utterly painful and humiliating. 

Bida is shaking as she pulls her hand back, but her voice is quiet and steady as she addresses Thor, “The humor is in the fact that, everyone but you understands the ridiculousness of a self-proclaimed, needy bottom saying they got paid to dominate someone. Then again you weren’t here for that part of the conversation since you had to act like a spoiled child and run off.” Bida has a flush staining her cheeks and throws her hands up in frustration, “Here I thought that Tony talked some sense into you, that the sweet, charming man I spend every lunch with would be the one to walk back in here. Instead, I am faced with another close-minded idiot who jumps to conclusions without even a, _lovely to see you this evening_ ”.

Bida drops her arms and gives Thor a look filled with pain and annoyance, “Oh and by the way Thor, I was so looking forward to sharing a drink, or maybe more with you tonight.” She turns on her heels and begins to walk away, she stops after a few steps and throws over her shoulder, “I hope you can take your head out of your ass by Monday. If not consider this my formal resignation.” She slips into the crowd without another word. 

The table is tense after Bida’s exit. Crystal clears her throat, “I’ll go make sure she’s okay.” There are some murmurs of agreement and Tony says she’ll join her. Crystal moves into Thor’s personal space with a withering look, “For the record, that man Bida was flirting with, my husband, was helping Bida get your attention. Just another bit of humor you couldn’t seem to grasp.” Crystal gives Thor a once over before sighing, “Bida talks about you like some sort of wet fantasy, for your sake I hope you can redeem yourself.” Saying her piece Crystal and Tony leave the group to follow Bida.

*****************************

“Fuck.”

Thor is screwed. Not only did he insult Bida, but he also managed to inadvertently insult Wade and Tony. He is going to have a lot of groveling to do in his future. That is if Loki will even talk to him after last night. Why did he think that drowning his regrets in vodka was a good idea? 

“Because you are a gay man in the middle of a quarter-life crisis,” Tony tells him as he sets a cup of coffee next to his ear. 

He must have said that last part out loud he muses, “Quarter-life crisis?” Thor questions as he takes a sip of the nectar of the gods, aka Tony’s coffee.

“Yes, you silly, frustrating, stupidly gorgeous man. You’ve had a rough go of it recently, and it seems your preferred coping mechanism is to be a pompous, judgy ass,” Tony tells him with sincerity, “and we may have been a bit harsh on you last night.” Tony purses his lips and lets out a sigh, “You know Wade, and I can get a little protective of our girls, and Bida was just so nervous about you seeing her for the first time. The whole situation may have been exasperated by booze and emotions.” 

Thor drinks a bit more of his coffee, “I may have also been a bit nervous myself. It’s no excuse, but you have to know I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Sugar lumps, we’ve all learned to ignore half of what you say long ago,” Tony smirks at him.

“So, does this mean you forgive me?” Thor asks hopefully.

Tony lets out a dramatic sigh, “Fuck no! I had to cancel a date this morning, because of you. A date with a _doctor_!”

“Tony, you are a self-made millionaire, you don’t need a doctor to enhance your worth,” Thor tells his friend.

Tony only throws his hands up in the air and grumbles, “Doesn’t matter! He is a neurosurgeon … and British. Do you know all the kinky wild sex I could be having at this moment?! British Thor!” Tony rages as he moves back to the stove and plates the omelet he has been cooking. 

Tony continues to bemoan his lost chance of sex as a thump is heard from the doorway before Wade shouts out in a horrible Spanish accent, “Lucy I’m home! You got some splaining to do!”

Without missing a beat both Thor and Tony shout back, “But Ricky!” 

Thor immediately regrets it as his head throbs. Tony only shakes his head at Thor as Wade twirls into the room.

“Guess what lady and jerkface?!” Tony arches a brow at Wade but doesn’t comment. Wade looks at him expectantly. Then when Tony doesn’t give in, he turns to Thor. Thor stares back at Wade as he slowly takes a sip of coffee. Wade’s face falls, and he crosses his arm with a pout, “Party poopers the lot of you.”

“Fine Wade, what?” Tony asks to appease him.

Wade’s face lights up again, and he begins to bounce in place, “Petey and I ran our errand as we discussed! It went like you’d expect, except!” Wade has a manic smile on his face as he practically vibrates in place.

“Dear gods, did you sneak some coffee?!” Tony pinches the bridge of his nose again.

“NO! … YES? Wait, stop distracting me.” Wade glares at Tony, “As I was saying, Petey made some new friends!! And he is driving them over for breakfast!” Wade skips to the stove to eye what Tony is making, “Isn’t that so much better than a date with a drop-dead dreamboat of a sexy doctor? You might want to make another one.”

Thor blinks at the pair. They have started bickering, in his kitchen, “Hey now just a minute. Who did you invite to breakfast, in _my_ apartment?”

Thor would be amused at the twin looks of annoyance directed at him if not for his hangover. Despite being away from his friends for so long, it seems that nothing has changed, too much.

“Wellll,” Wade steps over to the island with a smile, “Peter is on his way with Crystal Winter and Steve Rodgers,” he pauses and in a stage whisper, “he is also picking up this neurosurgeon. Didn’t want poor spinster Stark to be the awkward seventh wheel.”

Tony sputters at Wade, “Spinster?! Watch it Taser face, I’m the one with the checkbook.”

Thor interrupts before they can get into it again, “Seventh wheel? That’s only six people.” 

Wade shares a look with Tony, who shrugs and begins making another omelet. Thor has a growing feeling of unease as Wade gives Thor a wicked grin, “Silly me, I forgot to mention Bida will be joining us too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Awkward breakfast conversations brought to you by Wade Wilson, Crystal Winter, Tony Stark and Bida Mischief. Now with 1000x more shade.


	5. Take Your Lumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what are Wade and Tony planning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> A quick thanks to everyone for your kudos and comments! They mean more to me than my medicated lip balm. Please forgive all mistakes, I am horrid at editing (especially when excited to post a new chapter).  
> Just a quick fyi Bucky/Crystal is still referred as she/her in this chapter despite being out of drag. This is because it is from Thor's POV and he knows the character as Crystal and not Bucky. Without further ado ...
> 
> Enjoy!

The floor drops out from underneath Thor when he hears Wade’s words. He sits there staring, Wade and Tony ignore him in favor of getting everything together for their guests. His stomach rolls as he thinks about Loki’s parting words to him. Not only that but other than this doctor, and maybe Peter, it’s going to be a table full of people who currently hate him. Thor lets his head fall back to the counter with a grumble.

“None of that!” Wade is next to Thor in a heartbeat. He grabs a handful of Thor’s hair and lifts his head back up, “Self-pity does you no good,” Wade clicks his tongue at Thor as he shakes him a little, “In fact, keep this up, and I’ll let Tony go with Plan B.”

“What’s Plan B?” Thor askes while trying to get Wade to release his hair.

“Pss-shaw. Like we’re going to tell you.” Wade rolls his eyes and begins to pull Thor away from the island, “Now based on location, Petey’s driving, the magnetic poles, and how long it takes one Steve Rodgers to get ready- how he’s not one of our girls I’ll never -.”

“FOCUS WADE!” Tony shouts.

“We have about 30 minutes before everyone gets here.” Wade finishes, making faces at Tony.

“Children, I’m surrounded by children,” Tony mumbles, “Okay ladies! Here is what’s going to happen; Thor, go and take a shower. Try and wash the smell of vodka and judgment out of your pores. Also, brush your teeth and change into something I’d let you out of the house in.” Tony gives a pointed look to Thor’s shirt. A very holey shirt which proclaims, **Orgasm Donor** in red letters (a gift from Wade). “Wade, go set the table,” Tony arches a brow as neither man moves, “NOW!” He barks, getting them to do his bidding.

Thor stumbles his way to the bathroom. A shower doesn’t sound like a bad idea, he desperately hopes it helps get rid of his headache. Turning on the taps, Thor peers into the mirror with a grimace. There is no other way to say it, hell would look better than him right now. Hair that is typically gleaming with health is a ragged, dirty mess. His eyes look like he rubbed pepper in them; the skin around them grey and oily. Ugh, Thor’s not sure even a shower will help. He strips and steps under the hot spray, hoping he can get himself together in time.

**********************

The apartment is quiet but the sounds of cooking and Wade’s muttering. Tony is lost in thought as he begins to unbox the pastries Wade picked up. He may be a kitchen goddess, but he is a practical goddess; besides, BenDeLa’s has the best Danishes. Tony listens to the water turn on in the bathroom and whispers a silent plea to Ru Paul that Thor stops his campaign of foulness.

“I miss Thor,” Wade utters on a sigh. He is using some post-it notes to set up the seating arrangement.

“He’s only been in the shower for a few minutes, he’ll be back in all his overtly muscled glory soon enough,” Tony huffs as he sets about getting condiments and coffee add-ins on the table.

“No, I miss the old Thor,” Wade pouts as he helps Tony, “You know the one who used to visit us at least once a week. The one who scared off that horrible stalker of Widows’,” Wade chuckles quietly at the memory, “that Thor was funny _and_ kind. Whatever happened to him?!” Wade laments as he makes napkin swans.

Tony doesn’t answer right away, he’s afraid to voice his opinion. Afraid it’s the reality they live in now, “Do you think he died with Odin?” The typically confident man asks quietly, meeting Wade’s eyes.

Wade for his part seems to consider the question before responding, “I’m about to be completely serious here, what if Thor is actually unconsciously channeling Odin.”  
Tony arches a brow at his friend, “Wade this isn’t a joke.”

“Think about it, Tony!” Wade stops his folding and turns to Tony, “Ever since the funeral we haven’t seen him. Haven’t heard from him. It’s like he gave up that part of his life. Hell, if not for Bruce, Thor probably wouldn’t have shown up last night.” Wade tells Tony angrily, “I’ve known Thor since high school, and the man who showed up last night is a hallowed out, spiteful version of him.” Wade makes a sound of anger and balls up the napkin he’s been working on, “Once more, he reminds me too much of Odin. Well, slightly less homophobic and with better vision.” Wade tries to joke as he smooths out the napkin. 

Tony ponders over Wade’s words. Part of him is entirely dismissive, not wanting to give Thor an easy excuse for his avoidance and behaviors. Another part is once again awed by Wade’s insight and can agree with his assessment. In the end, he knows what they must do.

“Wade darling, it’s time to break a bone to heal it properly,” Tony says while sending out a group text. 

Wade blinks at Tony for a moment before letting out a squeal, “I knew you’d love _Grey’s Anatomy_! I don’t even care that you completely fucked up that line. This is the happiest day of my life!” Wade pretends swoons, Tony folds his arms and gives the other man a ‘finished yet’ look. Wade seeing the look clears his throat and asks, “So, what’s the plan Doc McGenius?” 

Tony smirks as he looks at the seating arrangement, “First I think we need to move some people around,” he picks up a few of the post-it notes, “then we are going to set up a quiet little meeting between our dear Bida and the resident idiot.” Tony gives Wade a devious smile.

Wade narrows his eyes at Tony, “So basically, we are about to get really involved in Bida’s and Thor’s drama?” A slow smile spreads across Wade’s face when Tony nods in agreement, “I’ll go find the first aid kit and make sure Thor’s room is clean.” Wade calls over his shoulder as he skips off.

**********************

The shower goes a long way toward helping Thor feel slightly more human. It doesn’t get rid of his headache, although it isn’t quite as torturous. Thor dresses in the clothing Tony left out for him, a plain red shirt and some dark jeans. His hair is in a loose pony-tail, lacking the energy to do anything more. Thor once again finds himself in front of the mirror as he brushes his teeth.

His appearance is improved from his prior observation. Thor still looks like he hasn’t slept in a week, but at least now his eyes aren’t red-rimmed, and he’s clean. Walking out into the hallway Thor runs into Wade, who is exiting his bedroom. Wade looks at Thor with an unreadable expression.

“Wade, what were you doing in my room?” Thor inquires in a calm and mellow voice. 

Wade’s eyes widen, and he sputters, “That was your bedroom?!” He flails about with a look of horror. He stops, puts a hand on Thor’s shoulder and leans in, “That would explain why I couldn’t find the forks.” Giving Thor a wink, Wade stands back up, tugs at the hem of his shirt, and walks away whistling. 

Thor stares after the other man for a long moment before looking into his bedroom. The room seems undisturbed, although Thor doesn’t remember making his bed. Giving a mental shrug Thor makes his way to the front of the apartment, where he can hear voices other than Wade and Tony’s. Thankfully Thor has a large kitchen because that is where everyone is gathered.   
As he enters, the first person he sees is Loki. An inner voice that sounds suspiciously like Tony tells him ‘duh.’ Loki is leaning against the island, smirking at something another person, looks like that Steve guy, is saying. Thor can’t hear what is being said, too many other people around talking, but it has Loki letting out a surprised laugh. Watching the other man, Thor wishes he could be the cause of that laughter. He lets his eyes roam over Loki, seeing as no one has noticed him yet.

Loki is dressed in dark green pants that look painted on, they are paired with calf-length boots and a black shirt that seems to shimmer in the light. His hair is up in some complicated looking knot/bun thing that Thor would never have the patience to attempt. A few strands are left out of the bun softening his overall appearance. Thor isn’t sure, but he thinks the man wears eyeliner, his eyes are dark and enchanting behind his black-rimmed glasses. Thor could get lost in those eyes for days, and he does. 

So of course, that is the moment Loki turns and finds Thor staring. Thor quickly looks away and walks over to the stove where Tony is standing with two exceedingly handsome men. One is close to Tony, their bodies unconsciously leaning toward one another. Thor thinks this must be the doctor, the very sexy doctor. He almost looks out of place in the kitchen. The doctor is in a pair of dark, dress slacks, and a light blue, button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up showing off firm arms. Compared to everyone else he is a little overdressed, but this doesn’t seem to bother the doctor. He looks comfortable as he talks with the other man. Who oddly enough seems to be a mirror opposite to the doctor. Thor wishes he could remember where he’s seen the other man. The man is of medium height with a muscular build and long brown hair. His eyes are alight with amusement, and he has a days’ worth of stubble, which roughens his soft features. Thor takes in his torn blue jeans and oil spattered shirt under an olive-green bomber jacket, definitely in opposition to the well-dress doctor. 

“Still among the living I see,” the familiar man says to Thor. It takes him a moment to place the soft voice, but once he realizes the man is Crystal Winters, he’s even more dazed by the dramatic difference. It is hard to envision the gruff and hard looking man in from of him, as the elegant woman from last night. Crystal continues, “Not sure I’ve ever seen anyone drink that much vodka and not end up getting their stomach pumped.”

Thor feels his face heat a little as the doctor and Crystal both give him appraising looks. Although, Crystals has a bit more ice layered on hers, and Thor just knows that next words out of her mouth will be scathing. Thankfully she doesn’t get a chance to say anything as Peter walks up to Tony and whispers something in his ear. Tony gives a nod before clapping his hands together and getting everyone’s attention.

“I am going to apologize for our host’s complete lack of human decency,” Tony pauses and Thor isn’t sure if he A. wants to disappear or B. kill Tony more. Tony completely ignores him as he continues, “In his defense, he’s an idiot who drank too much and forgot he invited everyone over for breakfast.” This time Tony arches a brow as he gives Thor a ‘see not my fault’ look as everyone laughs a bit. “So, to begin to make up for his rudeness, please hand over all coats and unnecessary belongings to Thor before finding your seat at the table.”

Tony winks at Thor and disappears. Thor finds himself accepting a woolen pea coat from the doctor, “You must tell me what travesty you’ve committed to insight such a warm reception,” The doctor drawls in a crisp British accent, “for what it’s worth, Tony hasn’t divulged that information, so I’m playing the part of apathetic observer.” The doctor gives Thor a crooked grin and wanders off. 

Crystal walks by Thor calling out to Steve, without handing over her jacket. Thor asks as she passes, “Would you like me to put your coat away?”

Crystal clutches her coat to her body with one hand, a pained look on her face, “I’m fine. _Thank you_.” She tersely informs him before linking arms with Steve. Steve gives a small shrug with an easy smile as he hands over his own coat. Thor is confused by the exchange but quickly forgets it as Loki approaches him.

“From CEO to coat check, my how the mighty have fallen,” his words are laced with sarcasm, “Here,” Loki tosses his coat at Thor, “don’t worry, I never wore it to my street corner.” He sneers and turns on his heels without another word.”

Thor is almost grateful for his abruptness, it saves him from failing at an apology. He lets out a heavy sigh and moves toward his bedroom to deposit the coats. Thor runs into Tony and Peter in the hallway. Peter gives a small wave as his face flushes, and he hurries off. Thor gives Tony a confused look but is only given a shrug in answer. Thor places the coats on his bed, taking a few extra moments to lay them flat. He hears everyone talking and laughing in the main room, a pang of desire hits him. What he wouldn’t give to be a part of that companionship without having distrust and anger directed at him.

Someone walks into the room and before Thor can see who it is a voice calls out, “This isn’t the bathroom Wade.”

Thor turns around to see Loki standing just inside the doorway. Thor begins to point him to the bathroom door when Wade races into the room. He hip checks Loki, causing the other man to stumble into the room farther. Then with a manic grin, he slams the door shut.

“This is for your own good,” Wade’s voice is muffled but firm, “We’ll let you out once you can accomplish two tasks.”

Loki glares at Thor as he shouts, “And just what tasks are you enforcing?!”

“Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist. We both know you’d be climbing that oaf like a tree; if not for his appalling display last night.” Wade exclaims with a laugh, Loki only lets out a low growl. “Anyway, you two need to have a nice long talk. Discuss your pasts, your likes, dislikes, pets, clear up some misunderstandings, one of you should apologize poetically and with mushy-gushy feeling, talk about your first homosexual experience, how much you each love me most, the first time you sucked-”

“WADE! That is more than enough!” Tony’s voice rings out clear, demanding attention, “Go help Peter carry the food to the table.”

Thor and Loki exchange looks as they hear muffled curses and intelligible words before Tony continues, “Talking and making up is the first task, then you two need to seal the peace treaty with a kiss,” Tony adds on with more than a little sass, “figure out if you two have more than just unresolved sexual tension between you.”

“Remind me to quit when you let me out of here,” Loki pinches the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh.

Tony gives a derisive snort, “Bida, you love the limelight too much. Just don’t kill him, running a criminal empire from jail will ruin your complexion.”

“Tony this isn’t a joke! Let us out.” Thor moves over to the door. He pounds a fist on it when he finds the knob doesn’t turn.

“No-can-do Theodore, you got yourself into this mess. It’s time to put on your big boy pants and fix it,” Tony is obviously laughing on the other side, “Someone will be by to check on you every so often, and if we don’t hear you trying to murder one another, we’ll slip some food under the door. Toodles!” 

Loki and Thor stare at one another in silence. Thor isn’t surprised by this turn of events, annoyed and somewhat scared for keeping his bits and pieces attached, but not surprised. He watches as Loki’s throws his hands up and lets out a frustrated little shriek. Thor can’t stop the chuckle that slips out after seeing such a cute display. It cuts off quickly as he sees the scowl on Loki’s face. 

Loki huffs out a laugh of his own, “Not sure what you find so funny, _Theodore_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully Thor survives this encounter ...
> 
> Next up: a chapter focusing on Bida emotionally destroying Thor to help him heal, and the antics of everyone else at the breakfast table.


	6. I am Me. I am Bida.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> This is much short then I planned, but I wanted to post it before things got too crazy with the holidays. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your kudos and comments!! 
> 
> Enjoy!

People always assume being a drag queen automatically means you are the same person out of drag. A fierce, dramatic, awe-inspiring individual who is always ready with a smile and a piercing barb. It is true that some queens are precisely the same regardless of their make-up and costume. Other queens, like Loki, use drag to free themselves from their own insecurities and problems. Loki is sure there are others who view drag in other ways, but at this moment it really doesn’t matter. 

What does matter is the fact that he is locked in a room ( _his bedroom_ ) with a man who he has been crushing on, since meeting. A man who has been sweet and caring to him, since meeting. A man who’s had a starring role in many of Loki’s fantasies, since meeting. That is, up until last night. Last night Loki saw Thor in a completely new light. Gone was the man he’d come to know and in his place was a rash, possessive, jerk. Thor, in spite of being a very handsome man, almost too handsome, had been vile and ugly last night. 

In a way, Loki’s kind of glad for the encounter. It helped him get over his almost obsessive admiration of the man, Crystals words not his. Although now he is finding it hard to remember the man stuck in the room with him isn’t a spoiled arse, someone he almost considered a friend. Loki lets out a quiet sigh as he watches Thor move to the other door. Loki mentally pats himself on the back for his quick reply to the other man. It gives him great pleasure to see Thor blushing and stammering for a change. Thor mumbles something about checking the bathroom door. It seems he is going to completely ignore the Theodore comment. 

Loki is pulled from his musing as Thor speaks up, “They locked the bathroom door too. I hope you didn’t need it too bad.” Thor gives Loki what is probably supposed to be a charming smile, but it only comes across as a grimace. 

Now, Loki is very much aware that he is the same person as Bida Mischief. Bida is a name he uses to differentiate when he puts on a dress and heels. He should be able to say the outlandish things she has and act in the same matter. Sadly, this is not the case. Loki, before finding himself in drag, was a quiet and reserved man. He followed the rules and tried to make it through life unnoticed. Then he met Steve Rodgers, at a cooking class of all places, and a whole new world had been opened to him. Steve introduced him to Bucky, and Bucky, in turn, introduced him to Crystal. Loki had been enthralled with the transformation of Bucky into Crystal. The most shocking thing was how Bucky was more open and relaxed as Crystal. This more than anything had Loki wanting to try drag for himself. 

Unsurprisingly, he took to it like a duck to water and found his inner diva. Bida was witty, sarcastic, and most importantly sensual; everything Loki had always wished he could be. Too bad that once he was back in his everyday attire those characteristics didn’t seem to stay with him. So yeah, he knew he was Bida, but he couldn’t seem to be Bida; at least not unless he was in drag. 

Thankfully, he had put a little make-up on this morning, some armor against the force that was Thor. Right now, he sorely wishes he had also put on heels as he looks over to Thor’s imposing figure by the bathroom door. With a final mantra of _you are Bida_ Loki glares over at Thor and lets out a huff. 

“Not that it is any of your business, but Wade suggested I might want to check my make-up,” Loki moves from his spot near the door to look in the mirror over the dresser, “A ruse to get me into this room it seems.” He finds his eyeliner is perfect as ever and glances around the room through the mirror. He watches as Thor tries, and fails, to open the door another time, “It didn’t budge the first time. What makes you think it will open this time, Theodore.” Loki is really liking the twinge of annoyance Thor tries to hide every time he says his name. 

“Could you stop that, please?” Thor’s voice is just shy of demanding.

Loki turns to face him, he crosses his arms and taps a finger against his chin. Thor arches a brow at him, “Stop what, Theodore?” Loki isn’t going to give up the one card that seems to give him a slight upper hand at the moment. Although, he realizes that he can’t overplay it as Thor’s ears turn pink and a dark look crosses his face. Loki licks suddenly dry lips as he realizes just how much bigger Thor is to his scrawny 5’9”, 180lbs. 

Thor stares at Loki, an unreadable look on his face before he seems to shut down and bites off, “My father would call me that.”

Loki is taken aback, he watches as Thor seems to shrink into himself. The other man suddenly doesn’t seem so intimidating. In front of his eyes, Loki watches as the cocky and rude man from last night disappears. He holds onto himself, amazed as Thor begins to once again look like the man he’s come to adore. Thor looks at Loki and appears so lost and confused it leaves Loki aching. He wants nothing more than to go over to him and pull him into a hug. Loki stops himself, as Thor continues to talk. 

“Norns, that man was a piece of work. I still can’t believe he left me, his faggot son, his precious company.” Thor lets out a humorless chuckle, “Guess mother still had final say you fucking bastard.” Thor rubs a hand over his face. He looks at Loki as if seeing him for the first time, “Sorry, you didn’t need to hear all that,” he moves toward Loki but stops as Loki stiffens, “Sorry too for being an asshat. You don’t deserve any my petty jealousy or misplaced anger.” 

Loki arches a brow at Thor’s words. He can hear the sincerity as the words are spoken. Maybe there is hope for them yet. Loki unfolds his arms and moves to sit on the bed, “I’m not ready to forgive you completely, but I don’t hate you.” He pats the bed next to him, “Sounds like your father would have been besties with my own.” Loki says with a sigh.

Thor lets out a snort as he sits down, “Why do I get the feeling we are about to bond over our Daddy issues?”

Loki rolls his eyes and slaps Thor on the arm, “I have _father_ issues, thank you very much. I’ve read too much erotica to associate ‘Daddy’ with my waste of a father.”

Thor clears his throat, “I am trying not to make sexually inappropriate comments, so I’ll save my remarks until later.” He gives Loki a rueful smile.

“By the Gods, he can learn,” Loki laughs, “Sorry, I might have baited you on that one.” His cheeks redden at the omission. He shifts and pulls a leg up on the bed, so he can face Thor, “So, seeing as we are stuck in here until they deem us rehabilitated, how’d you meet Tony and Wade?” 

Thor finds a comfortable position before letting out a groan, “You do not need to hear those stories, and they might forget about us in here.”

Loki shrugs a shoulder, “Now I just want to hear them even more; and they’ll remember us when it’s time to clean up.” 

“Ugh, fine. Just remember you asked for it,” Thor lays flat on the bed, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times-”

He’s cut off as Loki hits him with a pillow. Thor looks over at the grinning man, a blush beginning to stain Loki’s cheeks as he tries to appear calm. Thor feels a grin spread across his face as he grabs the pillow, “If it’s war you want …” He doesn’t finish as he flings the pillow at Loki, who squawks as it narrowly misses him. 

He glares at Thor, unsuccessfully hiding a smile, “Oh it’s on!”

*********************************************************

“Are they killing each other or having sex?” Wade asks as he presses his ear harder into the door, “I really hope that isn’t sex, Thor is making the worst sounds.”

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose as he listens, “Neither, they are engaging in a pillow fight, of all things.” He moves away from the door, “I give them half an hour before they lose the pillows … and their clothing.”

“Oooo, let’s come back then. Make sure they don’t need any help.”

“Let’s not and say we did; hearing Thor have sex once is enough for me. Thank you.” Tony grabs Wade’s arm to get the other man to follow him away from the door.

“You are way too uptight. You need to take that doctor home and ride him until he can’t see straight.” Wade wiggles his eyebrows at Tony.

Tony begins to silently count to ten before a wicked grin spreads across his face, “I think he and I’d both be much happier if I mounted him from behind and rode him into the mattress.” 

Wade’s face goes slack with shock, “TMI TONY! T.M.I!” Wade sniffs and walks away.

Tony shakes his head and follows the other man, “That was your line? Seriously?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a hint of smut next chapter ... if Thor doesn't f*** it up 
> 
> Also planning on writing some side pieces in this universe, focusing on the other characters. If there is anything you'd like to see let me know. Suggests are more than welcomed!


	7. Let Me Consult My 12-year-old Self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Happy New Year! Have some banter and adult content.  
> May have written this while watching the new season of Ru Paul's AllStars. Please forgive my mistakes.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Your boots are on my bed,” Thor grouses without any real heat. He is laying across his bed, trying to get his breathing under control after his and Loki’s little impromptu pillow fight. Despite having considerable weight on the other man, Thor found himself thoroughly beaten. He blames it on the hang-over, and Loki’s uncanny ability to vanish and reappear while knocking him senseless with his memory foam pillow. Thor makes a mental note to hide that one next time.

“Oh sorry,” Loki sounds anything, but as he shifts around, and places his boots on Thor’s chest, “there, problem solved.”

Thor can’t see the other man’s face from his prone position, but he can hear the grin evident in his voice. Thor lets out a heavy sigh, “these things look horribly uncomfortable, especially for a Saturday brunch.” Thor tells him idly as he picks up one booted foot.

“Some of us take pride in our appearance,” Loki sniffs haughtily, “something I hear you could use some considerable help with.” 

Thor leans up on his elbows a grin on his face, “It’s true then, you do talk about me at the club.”

Loki’s face pinkens as he huffs in annoyance, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Thor notices the blush deepens, “Oh really? So, Crystal was lying when she mentioned you talked about me?” 

“You must be mistaken, I’m not surprised with your ego,” Loki arches one brow, a slow smile spreading across his lips, “it must be difficult to find out that not every conversation revolves around you.”

Thor stares at Loki, not sure if he should be angry or amused. Seeing the sparkle in Loki’s eyes, Thor settles for amusement and laughs, “funny I could say the same about you.”  


Loki rolls his eyes before sitting up himself, “Here’s the thing though, when it comes to you,” he crawls closer to Thor until he’s leaning over him, “I know every conversation is about me.” He whispers the last part in his ear before shimming off the bed with a laugh.

Thor flops back with a groan, “I thought only Bida was a nasty tease.” 

Loki makes a non-committal sound. Thor watches him as he moves around the room seemingly restless. Loki hunches his shoulders and moves farther away from Thor. Thor is at a loss as to the cause of this sudden shift in Loki. He feels his own face heat up at Loki’s next words, “Why’d you say it, Thor?” Loki’s voice is soft, “Why would you call me a whore. In front of friends and my bosses no less?”

Thor shifts to sit on the side of the bed, trying to buy himself time to think over his answer. Loki turns to face him, with the same hurt look from the night before. It hits Thor like a punch. He lets out an unsteady breath, “I don’t know,” he holds up a hand, asking for more time, “I guess it was my jealousy over seeing you with another man. I had thought you were with someone and reacted poorly.” Thor rubs at the back of his neck, “It was my foolish attempt to get your attention.” 

Loki gives Thor a long look, “Let me get this straight, you in a petty fit of jealousy decided instead of checking your assumptions, to channel your 12-year-old self and let me know you liked me by being a mean-spirited, chauvinist jerk.” Loki throws his hands up, “Did I get it all? You didn’t also pull my pigtail while I wasn't looking?” 

Thor almost wants to smile at that last comment, somehow seeing Loki in a fit of rage makes him giddy and terribly horny. Thor smothers his laughter as he gives Loki a solemn glance, “You forgot to mention that you started it.” He really wishes he had a camera; Loki’s expression goes from livid to confused and back to livid all in the span of seconds. Only this time he rounds on Thor. Moves into his space and pushes him back on the bed with a firm hand.

“How in the hell did I start your conquest on being the world’s biggest jackass?!” He keeps his hand on Thor’s chest as he glares at him.

Thor takes a deep breath, hoping it’s not his last, “Well my dear, sweet, Loki you also channeled your 12-year-old self, and instead of telling me you were interested got another boy to make moony eyes with to get my attention.” Thor feels Loki’s hand move away, as his face reddens.

Thor’s not sure what shocks him more, the slap to his face or his sudden lap full. Before he can do more than blink in surprise, he feels Loki’s lips press against his own in a demanding kiss. Loki’s kisses like he’s trying to devour Thor, he nips at Thor’s bottom lip before caressing the bite with his tongue. Thor finds himself moaning into the kiss, letting Loki do as he pleases. All too soon they pull away, each flushed and panting for breath.

“Consider this,” Loki nips along Thor’s jaw before continuing, “me being an adult and letting you know I like you, even if you are a jerk,” Loki tells Thor as he winds his arms around Thor’s neck.

“I’ve been informed, now how about I tell you I intend to apologize for my behavior now,” Thor rolls them over onto the bed as Loki lets out a little grumbling growl before moaning as Thor takes his mouth in a heated kiss. Thor finds Loki tastes like cinnamon and mint; he spares a few brain cells to thank Tony for making him wash-up earlier. 

Thor grins into the kiss as Loki threads his fingers into his hair. A groan soon follows as Loki tugs on Thor’s hair. As he teases his tongue along the roof of Loki’s mouth, Thor remembers he has hands and quickly puts them to use. Sliding them under Loki’s shirt, he finds his lip bitten roughly as Loki tosses his head back on a gasp.

“Sorry!” Loki is quick to run his thumb over the small wound, “I am incredibly ticklish.” He laughs out a breath as Thor moves his hands away from his sides.

“I’ll try and keep that in mind,” Thor tells him as he moves one hand to his neck and the other up toward Loki’s chest. He stops as a wicked thought strikes him, “are you ticklish everywhere?” Thor asks as he leans over and begins to worry his teeth along Loki’s neck. Loki withers on the bed, he arches up into Thor’s mouth with a loud moan. Thor pulls away enough for his breath to ghost over Loki’s skin, “mmm, not so ticklish there,” He sucks at one of the marks, “but what about here?”

Thor moves his hand around to Loki’s back taking one firm ass cheek in hand and giving it a light squeeze. Loki’s reaction is immediate, he lets out a breathy whimper while grinding against Thor’s hand. Thor lets out a little growl as he feels Loki wrap his legs around Thor’s torso. Using both hands now, Thor grips Loki bottom and pulls him flush against his own body, this time they both gasp at the contact.  


“Alright, kids! Time for you-“Wade’s voice cuts off as the door bangs against the wall. He stands there staring at the pair on the bed for a moment, “Well now, it seems my timing is a little off.” He continues to stare as he attempts to grab the door handle. Loki unwinds himself from Thor as they both try and look less rumpled. Wade gives them a wide grin, “I’ll just come back now, shall I?” He finally gets the door handle and begins to shut the door, all the while still staring.

Thor looks to a very red Loki as the door begins to click close. Then it bangs open again, “Don’t forget to slick it before you stick it!” 

“WADE WILSON!! Your abysmal advice is not warranted! Leave them alone!” A firm voice calls from the kitchen.

“They need my help!” Wade shouts back.

“Now mister!” The voice leaves no room for argument. 

“Awww come on Petey!” Wade whines as he shuts the door, “I was just making sure they practiced safe coitus!”

The rest of the conversation is muffled as Wade finally moves away from the door. The room is filled with an awkward silence as both Thor and Loki stand next to the bed while avoiding each other’s eyes.

“That was-“

“Wade’s a-“

They both begin to speak at the same time, and unfortunately also stop talking at the same time. They finally make eye contact and as if a dam broke laughter fills the room.  


“Did he have to stare so much?” Loki questions aghast.

“Thank Norns for Peter. He’d still be in here.” Thor chuckles.

They sit down on the bed next to one another as their laughter dies down. Without realizing it they lean into one another, Loki rests his head against Thor’s shoulder. Thor smiles as he loops an arm around the other man.

“Think he left the door unlocked this time?” Thor asks as he lays his head against Loki’s.

Loki lets out a snort, “Who cares? After that little scene, no one is going to come back here for a while.”

Thor perks up at this, “Oh?”

Loki leans away from Thor with a smirk, “Yeah, which means no one is going to come to get us to do the dishes.” Thor feels his smile fading. That is not the response he’d wanted. Loki sees the look and gives Thor a wink, “Which also means we can continue to practice being adults.” With that, he pulls Thor down into another heated kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, seems they can't be left alone. How is Monday going to play out? 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
